I was at the airport’s regional train station the day before yesterday, waiting for the subway home. When it entered the station, I heard a short discussion behind me. A somewhat older man, slightly Indian-looking, asked a woman for directions. She pointed to the ticket vending machine, and turned to enter the subway.

The man looked still lost.

“Where do you want to go,” I asked him.

He showed me a piece of paper he was holding. “To this hotel,” he said.

I looked at the paper and it listed an address in Frankfurt.

“I don’t know this hotel-” I began. Then I noted something.

“Wait a second,” I said. “This hotel is in Frankfurt on Oder. That’s in East Germany. You are in Frankfurt on Main. It’s the wrong Frankfurt.”

“But I have to get to this hotel, is it far?”

“Well, it’s in East Germany, near the Polish border. Very far I’d say – at least seven or eight hours with the train.”

“But I must go to this hotel, because I already paid for six nights.”

I didn’t really want to argue with him. After all, what do I know about other people’s plans? By now my subway had left, too.

“Well, this station is just for the regional trains, the subways. There is a long distance train station too; just follow those signs.” I pointed them out to him. “But follow me.”

I led him up the stairs, and brought him to the ticket office of the German train company.

“You can inquire about the train schedules here, and also buy tickets,” I told him. “They’ll be able to show you where to go and so on.”

“Very good, thank you,” the man said.

“No problem, Sir, you’re welcome.”

I went back down the stairs, just in time to find out that the next subway would have ten minutes delay.

Two Frankfurts

Just remember, people: When and if you go to Germany, and you want to go to Frankfurt, make sure you get the **right** one.

• Frankfurt/Main (Main is the name of the river, not the English word “main”) is in western/central Germany
• Frankfurt/Oder (Oder is a river, too) is in eastern Germany, on the Polish border.

With apologies to Mr. Dickens for abusive use of his book title.